Maybe I am just being picky….

There is a new reality-TV show on Bravo called “Untying the Knot” In this show, matrimonial attorney Vikki Ziegler, Esquire, who practices law in  New York and New Jersey at the firm of Ziegler and Zemsky LLC, works with clients on the resolution of the economic issues related to the dissolution of their marriage.  From what little I watched from the only two episodes that have aired, the show does not deal with the litigation of divorce matters such as the division of marital property and alimony. Rather, the program promotes Ms. Ziegler as a mediator.  This is where I have a slight issue with the program, so far.

When I was trained as a mediator, I was taught that the mediator helps facilitate communication between the parties and helps the parties come to a resolution on the issues. In the most recent episode that I watched, Ms. Ziegler ascertained the issues, i.e. which items of personal property still need to be divided. Okay – so far so good. She then obtained independent valuation of those assets. Not something that mediators usually do. If the parties come to an understanding as to what an item is worth, then that is usually the value that is used. I can understand a mediator asking the parties to get appraisals if there is a dispute as to the value. But, for the purpose of making the show more entertaining, I can accept this aspect of the show.

Toward the end of the 30 minute program, however, Ms. Ziegler announced her decision as to which assets each person would receive. WHOA! That is not what a mediator does. The mediator does not decide who gets what assets. The mediator does not even offer an opinion as to who should get what.  An arbitrator can decide issues for the parties.  An arbitrator could decide who gets what assets, but not a mediator. Mediation is a process than enables the parties to decide the resolution of their issues. A simple explanation of what mediation is can be found here.

I don’t begrudge Ms. Ziegler how she operates her practice and the services she offers her clients. I am concerned, however, that people will get the wrong impression about the role of a mediator. Parties who enter into mediation thinking they have to convince the mediator that they are right will be missing the point of mediation. If parties do not fully understand what mediation can and cannot do, perhaps they should not be mediating.

If a reality TV show is going to be promoting someone as a mediator, then the person should be mediating not making decisions for the parties. There are other reality shows where one person makes a decision for the parties: Judge Judy, The People’s Court, et al. The reality of what a mediator does should not be obscured to make more entertaining television.